My name is Claudette Louw. I grew up in Mangethe and now I stay in Mandeni. I am 42 years old. I work at Siqumbe (Renckens) where I have worked for 20 years. In April 2004 I became ill for three months, attending various doctors without getting better. I was eventually admitted into Stanger Hospital. I would vomit when trying to eat as I couldn’t stand the smell of food, even the perfume fragrances.

The doctors said that I had stomach ulcers and advised me to stop eating tomatoes, spicy food etc. I was discharged from hospital after being there for two days. I called my aunt telling her that I was ill but didn’t know what the cause of my illness was. She made me an appointment with her doctor in Durban.

I consulted with the doctor; he did an ultrasound and told me that I had ulcers in my stomach. He referred me to McCord Hospital to have an abdominal X-Ray performed. I went there and the attending doctor asked me what was wrong and I told him that I have been diagnosed with stomach ulcers. He advised me to have an HIV test done before he could continue looking after me. I had the pre-test counselling where they asked me why I wanted to have the HIV test done. I explained that I had been ill for three months with no improvement.

I took the blood test, waited for five minutes, after which the results on a small piece of paper in a sealed envelope, came back. I hesitated for a while before eventually opening the envelope. It was written “HIV TEST POSITIVE” and the CD4 count was 254. Tears welled up in my eyes and I thought that my life had come to its end. I asked for permission, from the hospital, to call my workplace and they agreed. I called my boss, unable to speak because I was on the brink of crying. I told her (Mrs Taljard) that I want to commit suicide and she asked me what the problem was. I told her that I was HIV positive. Her words to me were “Claudette we love you, think about your child”, at the time my child was 12 years old. I subsequently phoned my aunt to fetch me since I had finished. When we arrived at home she asked me how it had gone at the doctor’s. I told her, tearfully, that I had the HIV. She cried because she thought that I was going to die soon after and I was also crying thinking that I was going to leave this world.

I went back home to Mangethe and told my whole family. Their words were that I am not the first and not the last and that life goes on. I trust that many people know that the ARVs were not free back then, I had to buy them for R900.00 every month. My family helped me buy the ARVs for the first five months. They (ARVs) would make me sick but I continued taking them, it was not easy. I would shy away from people because I had lost weight having gone from a 36 to a 30 dress size. In October 2004 I heard that HIV people were being welcomed at Blessed Gerard’s Hospice. That’s when I started taking ARVs for free and currently my CD4 count is 1128.

Today I wish to thank all the people who were helping me at work, at Blessed Gerard’s Hospice HAART Programme, my family and friends. Their help has made me live my life to the fullest.

I would like to end by saying that AIDS doesn’t kill; it is denial that causes one to die. One more thing is that ARVs clash with traditional medicines and mixtures.

I love you all.

There are a lot of people who have been helped, because of me, in my work place. Thank you."